On that not so cool evening,
I peeped out and behold!
what a sight to observe!
In that neighboring balcony
Two cane chairs were
deep in conversation,
and probably gossiping!
I rubbed my eyes in
amazement and disbelief!
Was it my imagination
running generally wild!
Or was it the fading light
of the evening dusk,
that brought to vision,
this beautiful fantasy!

It was an unusual calm
Though there was breeze,
but absolutely gentle!
Unlike any other day,
the birds too had stopped
sharing their experiences
of a long hard day, and
indulge in usual chirping
As if all were taking
an unspoken resolve,
not to disturb the pair
and their intimate dialogue
which carried on in silence,
supported by me and air!

The honeymoon just
couldn’t go long-lasting
All of a sudden, ‘they’,
yet another pair stepped in,
rather sneaked into balcony,
and invaded their privacy!

‘They’ were really strangers
to those un-alarmed chairs
But it didn’t simply matter
to the new set of players!
In the process of settling,
the chairs were dragged,
reducing their inter-space
Though even while apart,
they gazed at each other
with utmost love n grace!

As time passed by, the
earlier inaudible gossip
was replaced by the
stranger’s loud voices
yet the chairs ensured,
through their own choices, a serene environment,
unperturbed n peaceful,
in each other’s worship!

The newcomers kept
the cold space warm
Talking about life,
its strange tunes,
and the playground!
And eventually when
got starved of words.
The moon emerged,
as if to rescue them
from the zero-ground!

‘They’ finally stood up,
as if to pay respect to the
compelling lunatic charm!
And started moving
along the long grill,
to settle near a junction!
It was strange that
rather the chairs getting
relieved of their exodus,
felt a sense of abandon!

As night further warmed up,
in that not so dark balcony,
the moon itself witnessed
‘over the moon’ type sight!
There was no one around,
who seemed bothered to,
the public display of love,
and to pass judgments,
whether it was really right!

I witnessed this show,
with awe, amusement
and an awkward craze!
One end of the spectra
I saw muscular ‘Courage’,
ever ready for voyage!
At the other end was
an ever feminine ‘Desire’,
a necessary evil, always
yearning to be ablaze!

Whether it was the chairs
or the two human beings,
they looked interchangeable
The courage aggressively
kept kissing the desire!
and getting pumped up,
despite challenges around,
an ever increasing will
and tenacity to aspire!

Run, run and run! Rajeev Run for pure joy n fun! To breathe in the fresh air,
and take in the sun! Or is it to escape from the crunch!
of life situations which appear with every munch!
The question always looms large!
What are you running for… Who are you running from… There seems no answer,
But is it final and done!?

Am I running to grow!
Or is it to make exit from my current environment of retardation and clog!
Or is it running from my ‘Karma’ which time and again! threatens its return,
to settle the ‘Dharma’!

At times I wonder……..
Am I running ahead of time?
Or am I being chased by the inevitable time itself,
as if I am fleeing dreadfully, after an heinous crime!
Don’t you get a feeling?
We were always chased!
Recall the way we got raised! Mom chased us with food, whether brimful or packed! Dad trained us run for life, setting CGPAs to be chased! Whereas we learnt the art of skirting to be engaged! Teachers throwing mouthful exams, to be crammed n cracked!
Even friends making us run, playing ‘Hide n Seek’,
at times teasing us “Catch me,
if you can”,
till we were jaded n drained!

If some residual energy
was left out, after being mill around n trailed!
As if it was not enough,
I started deriving happiness by impressing around,
with an ever growing desire,
to be always praised!
As if the old fashioned FB was not really enough,
Another set of new players- Insta, Twitter, n Linkedln,
came galloping to mob and encroach my time n space, Chock-full and stacked!

Is running causing fatigue?
Not really! rather it is adding to the critique!
Why just run to go away?
One can run to come nearer,
to be back at the bay!
The clock keeps ticking, and keeps reminding me…
The day runs to give us night, so that we rest to be fresh!
The water runs in taps, to keep clean our mortal flesh!
The earth runs to get new day, that flowers bloom with grace! Even air around me is in constant move to give cool breeze to touch my sweaty body and face!
Whenever I am in the race!

With each steaming weekend, on a swift Saturday morning! After yet another workout of a ride, run or jogging!
Or an event of plogging! Whenever I arrive back home, and sit in my cozy balcony.
I call her up,
and say hi to ‘Zindagi’ (life)! Come partner, sit and relax! Have tea with your own Rajeev!
You too must be really tired, running behind own desires of ‘Bandagi’ (worshipping)!

Yet another 20th of the month, and my pen started scribbling. This is a special month, when she was born. These thoughts are dedicated to her……on the commencement of her 50th year of life journey, this month.

“Woh Paanch Din”
(Those five days)

That summer of June 1987,
‘jab we met’, the very first time,
you killer dear mademoiselle!
In that serene greens of grind,
Cool enough, yet full of warmth,
Perhaps because of you hottie!
Kareena of ‘jab we met’ fame
was born much later,
It was ‘Karishma’ of you naughty!

First time I was gifted in life,
by you, the silky young woman!
A silkie Cadbury Chocolate,
a luxury for not so young man!
I hope you remember, as to
how did I unwrap it, diligently!
and you teaching me,
you, the born teacher,
as to how to have it…
That I can’t share it candidly!
That wrapper remained,
as part of my desk diary,
for years and years altogether,
as a precious jewel fulfilingly!

Those five days, I recall…
We were like sand dunes!
In that lush green valley,
though water was everywhere,
Yet we always felt thirsty,
as we trolled to the time’s tunes!

We hardly sat and spoke,
Yet conveyed the unsaid,
just by looking into
each other’s searching eyes!
An incredible experience,
with stomach full of butterflies!
As each day passed by,
the heart kept rising n sinking,
anticipating known separation,
making us hear silent cries!

In those clear starry nights!
The self imposed constraints,
didn’t let the spirits fly high!
The desires did blossom, but
the well established bounds
crashed the intimate joints!
Yet, sheer your presence,
and igniting elegance made
me feel wanted and bouyant!

Temptation of cold breeze,
the white mountain ridges,
that bank of river, and not
even fragrance of flowers,
could stop the inevitable!
The D-day cropped up,
making us depart with
misty eyes and dying hopes,
as if never to be returnable!

But you had faith in yourself,
Was unsure, whether in myself!
I am amazed, you waited for
an ‘Awwara Baadal’ like me
to respond, return, and reunite!

All these years now……
Who knows better than you
that I can be at best a poem,
but never a swinging rhyme!
Your heavenly belief system
ensures that even if I dare,
and commit errors n frills!
There is always someone
to accept me, the way I am
without any strings n Codicils!

(Today marks the anniversary of 12 scribblings, shared with you at Facebook as well as my blog PRABnCRAB here on 20th of every month during the last one year. Thanks so much guys n gals! for always encouraging me with your kind words)

Destination or Destiny?

I was on the driving seat!
In full form and full breath,
when my mobile vibrated,
Startling me out of my reverie and making me miss a heartbeat!
I looked at the live screen.
The unknown number didn’t
appear as a usual spam,
rather reflected as Ms. Clean!

I switched on Bluetooth and,
inquired “hello, who is this”?
There was no response,
yet I could distinctly hear,
an entrenched silence!
The caller finally responded,
in a voice that sounded,
as mine yet unlike me,
because of its brilliance!

Hello my dear friend!!!
I am your accomplice,
in all your crimes!
Even at this juncture,
I am the one, showing you
the path, and the way,
you will reach your destination,
Despite the numerous road
blocks and punctures!

I looked around in the car,
and found there was none!
In anguish n despair,
I yelled out in…….
My destination!!!!!!
Are you kidding dear?
She replied calmly but firmly,
You are just a puppet,
with strings in my hand!
When you turn left or right,
you are just rudderless,
and powerless to
simply follow the flight!

On this harsh discovery,
I shivered down to spine!
For a moment she looked
true and divine, and also
compelling me to
question my own reliance!

…I really thought over,
whether my eyes are
open or close,
whether my hands are
at rest or steering,
I somehow always reach
that point of certainty,
I refer as “Destination”,
but she choses it to be,
called as “Destiny”!

I reluctantly told myself
to accept this as reality,
and convince ‘Me’ in me
to be rather teachable, as
I can not be always right!
In the same breath,
I reassured myself…..
The bad news may be,
that the time is flying,
The good news is, that
I have an opportunity
to be at the pilot seat,
and just keep trying!

So you, just chill Rajeev!!
Come out of the mirage
of illusionist destinations.
Don’t Rush, Don’t Force!
If you don’t trust destiny,
Trust the life process,
Which is absolutely
Time tested and tried,
And importantly, hey man! Try enjoying the ride!

You, a dark black cloud!
Bit self and self obsessed,
In the backdrop of sky,
that is camouflaged!
Obsessed about own sensitivities,
at times about other’s vulnerabilities!
And also about
unfaithful times
and it’s adulteries!

Just like you cloud!
Me too at times behave
sensitively insensitive to intensity of desire!
whenever there is
a burning fire!
I think I do so….

Imagine! Both of us
treat it as insane!
To fall in love
with uncertainty!
It doesn’t matter
how far we are,
It doesn’t bother
If we don’t speak often!
But finally you precipitate
and hit this thirsty man,
with volumes to tweak!

You are capable to hold,
millions drops of hopes!
for new lives here on earth!
Billions of dust particles
make you strong
and stable against
emotional blows!

Though sometimes you
too are carried away,
especially on a gloomy day!
When you do connect
to this distant partner
through audible thunder,
and say loud, hey Rajeev!
“I am sensitive to you,
but in my own way!!”.

At this juncture in life,
the clock seems to have accelerated!
It is ticking faster,
Each n every day!
But, at end of the day,
I often wonder!
Who decides my day?
Is it Me, the day itself,
or the destiny giving
concession to my life
for yet another day!!

Perhaps, days never
ever belonged to me!
It’s rather surrender
of mine to the days!
I always do my best
But yet pray for it,
to be a great day!
And ultimately
become its slave!!

Though sometimes
I do yell at the day!
But finally settle down
for a compromise,
and find myself
following destined path,
and not the trajectory!
As if it was assigned
by the fate factory!!

Yes, it does care about
me with the warmth!
Even when it cuddles,
Me in its own way
I still feel the same,
the slave of the day!!

When it is bright
and sunny day,
And I am expected
to follow the ray!
There always comes
the nostalgic feelings
about the times,
I have left behind!
The time, when atleast
I had some dreams,
in my conscious mind!

And when the days are
grumpy and cloudy!
It’s surprising that,
Those are the times,
I feel better n stronger.
Feels like a winner….
Keep assuring myself
Smugly n smilingly,
Hey Rajeev! I might be
at mercy of good days
But damn it! for sure,
Bad days have to be
slave of mine!!
(अपना टाइम आएगा 😉🙏🏻)

I just fly with moments,
when you
are around n yourself.

It is tough to smile ignoreing the unfulfilment.
But I feel fulfilled
when you are around!

It may seem impossible for some
to love without any expectations.
But I have none,
when you are around!

I tried hard to make a
perfect clutch, brake
and accelerator combo to set the motion of silence.
But time chooses
to roll along
notion of resonance,
when you are around!

You always come
as if last hope, and
touch the steering n turn around bearings. The road seem live,
when you are around!

When you r occupied,
or don’t cherish
my presence around.
Or else may be my excess around 😉
Life doesn’t stop!
I blend emotions well;
So I do to passions…
But life doesn’t seem life, when you are not around!

Your enormous aqua
ways are solace
to this crab’s soul!
Prab, when you are around!!

Finally they met……
And said something to each other
in abruptness of time
and constraints of space,
as well as thought!

…Post that, back home,
amidst the anxiety,
in fear of losing self,                   
and the self critique
of why, and why not!
In the silence zone of
Damn chilling Drawing Room!
Looking at that empty Glass….   

At times held in hand,               
And at times, abondened
on the glass top!

That night was…….
A night of uncertainty!
Often disturbed by the sounds…….
Sound of distant whistling wind,
Sound from shouting leaves,
And of battling tiny branches,
Sound of rain drops hard hitting on ground,
Giving a message so profound!

The Q haunted me….
Is it a sound of pleasure or discomfort?
Discomfort adding on to the uncertainty,
And seizure of the effort!

And suddenly I felt…
That poius drop on neck,
Rain entering from
rear of the window,
And nursing the crack!
As if breaking the sound barrier!
It now moved forward,
sat on the sofa,
just beside me!
Soaking the moment,
A moment as alone as me!

The room just got crowded & energised…
by raining emotions,
Improving notions of life grind!
Tears trickling down
towards my jacket,
And mixing with
the rain tapping from behind!

Watching my tears,
Perhaps……
the rain got scared!
Just eloped and hid
behind the Glass!
As if afraid of me,
Not to spoil the Class!

My dear rain!
How can you be
scared of me?
I have waited for you
And often cried!
Always felt and sought
….That one day you would
knock at my door with pride!

Well, I lifted that Glass,
filled it with love!
And while I touched it with passion,
It turned into dark red wine!
Red…. the color of desire!
I kept on sipping it slowly,           

and pondering over…..
mine new resultant fire!!